The other day was a bad day. I mean, a really bad day. Before I was a Stay At Home Mom, I thought I knew what a bad day was:
Those are bad moments in an otherwise salvageable day.
When I became a mom, I discovered what a "bad day" really was.
I don't know if it was the sleep deprivation, or the lack of "me time," but everything was getting to me on this particular day. Everything- the dog's breath, the kids stepping on my feet, the stains on the couch...and then there was the peeing. Potty training gone rogue- my son peed on the floor.
And I stepped in it.
Then, he peed on the floor again. (The second pair of undies bites the dust.)
I showered him.
Then, brilliantly, I decided to feed my freshly bathed toddler spaghetti. I know- Rookie mom mistake. You know what happens next- the bath. Bath #2 for the day.
Later, as I am attempting to lay down this same toddler....after twenty minutes of endless rocking, singing, rocking, singing...I hear a loud thump, and my inner mommy knows instantly that this is bad.
Oh, this is very bad.
The short version: child #1 has dropped and broken my very expensive Nikon while I was tending to "I'm- refusing -to-sleep" child #2. But this means nothing to child #1 because words like, "expensive" and "LCD" mean nothing to a child.
And later, after everyone was bathed, and the pee all cleaned up, and the undies replaced with diapers...there was the throw up. Excited toddler throw up on Daddy, and the carpet, and the couch.
Bad, bad,bad day.
A bad day at the end of an exhausting string of long days and sleepless nights with no "me" time.
Yeah.
So it's bedtime, and my son picks out a book. I've seen it in the bookcase, but never read it before. It's about a bear that doesn't want to share, and it ends with this verse:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Galatians 5:22-23a"
Boy, did I feel like an idiot.
Fruit of the Spirit? What was that? When was the last time I read that verse? I forgot it even existed! Among the dirty diapers, throw-up, dog slobber, weekly grocery shenanigans, and last minute dinners- I forgot I was actually supposed to be kind to my kids.
Say what? I'm supposed to be gentle? And self-controlled?
You mean screaming at your kid for waking the baby that never sleeps is not Biblical?
(And all you stay at home moms of more than one kiddo are smiling because you know what I mean.Those of you who don't have kids are thinking about what an awful person I must be to treat my children that way- you will never yell at your kids.)
When the stars aligned, and the planets intercepted at exactly the right moment and God smiled down on me, kid #1 and kid #2 both napped at the same time, and I had a moment to myself.
I decided to look into this "Fruit of the Spirit" thing. I couldn't get past the middle of the verse. The word kindness struck my heart like an arrow to a target.
Wow. I was being a meanie. I was nowhere near kind. Not today, not yesterday, not in the past week. Not in a while. I had always been known as "such a nice girl."
Who was I becoming??
What kind of mom was I? Not the kind kind; that's for sure.
Sure, I was tired and cranky, but that didn't give me a right to be mean to my kids- or anyone else for that matter.
They say we should practice "random acts of kindness." We should pick some nice-looking unsuspecting stranger and bless them with some kind deed, and while that is all well and good, and I support that- that is not what Biblical kindness is about.
The definition of the word "kindness" in the verse above is this:
"Goodness in action, sweetness of disposition, gentleness in dealing with others..." and here's the kicker:
"The word describes the ability to act for the welfare of those taxing your patience*"
Wow. Epic fail on my part.
"Goodness"? "Sweetness"? What is that? Was that a part of mommy-ing, because if so, I hadn't figured out how to do it. I was supposed to be "acting for the welfare of those taxing my patience." At times, that's what motherhood is all about!
So, here I was, Bible in hand, heart full of guilt, and not sure where to go next. So, I just closed my eyes and prayed: "God, help me to be kind to my children...the children you gave me."
It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. There has been more pee, and dog drool, and kid drool, and sleepless nights, and toddler chasing, and kid wrangling, but God is answering my prayer in the midst of it. When I want to yell, I pause and remember: I can be kind instead, and in the midst of all the craziness, there have been moments of divine grace. A feeling of yup, there's another mess, but it's not really a big deal. I'll get to it. There is an appreciation for the blessing that my children are in my life and for the joy they bring me. When I keep that perspective at the forefront of my mind, when I see them as a blessing and not a burden, kindness is the result.
After all, they are my gift from God, and I have a responsibility to treat them as such, and that includes being kind...
Even when they pee on the floor.....again.
- Going for coffee on my lunch break and getting a ticket
- Accidentally locking myself out of our apartment and having to sneak in through the neighbor's door
- Being blocked in the driveway by said neighbors and having to loudly remind them to move their car because you have a job that expects you to be there when the day starts....
Those are bad moments in an otherwise salvageable day.
When I became a mom, I discovered what a "bad day" really was.
I don't know if it was the sleep deprivation, or the lack of "me time," but everything was getting to me on this particular day. Everything- the dog's breath, the kids stepping on my feet, the stains on the couch...and then there was the peeing. Potty training gone rogue- my son peed on the floor.
And I stepped in it.
Then, he peed on the floor again. (The second pair of undies bites the dust.)
I showered him.
Then, brilliantly, I decided to feed my freshly bathed toddler spaghetti. I know- Rookie mom mistake. You know what happens next- the bath. Bath #2 for the day.
Later, as I am attempting to lay down this same toddler....after twenty minutes of endless rocking, singing, rocking, singing...I hear a loud thump, and my inner mommy knows instantly that this is bad.
Oh, this is very bad.
The short version: child #1 has dropped and broken my very expensive Nikon while I was tending to "I'm- refusing -to-sleep" child #2. But this means nothing to child #1 because words like, "expensive" and "LCD" mean nothing to a child.
And later, after everyone was bathed, and the pee all cleaned up, and the undies replaced with diapers...there was the throw up. Excited toddler throw up on Daddy, and the carpet, and the couch.
Bad, bad,bad day.
A bad day at the end of an exhausting string of long days and sleepless nights with no "me" time.
Yeah.
So it's bedtime, and my son picks out a book. I've seen it in the bookcase, but never read it before. It's about a bear that doesn't want to share, and it ends with this verse:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Galatians 5:22-23a"
Boy, did I feel like an idiot.
Fruit of the Spirit? What was that? When was the last time I read that verse? I forgot it even existed! Among the dirty diapers, throw-up, dog slobber, weekly grocery shenanigans, and last minute dinners- I forgot I was actually supposed to be kind to my kids.
Say what? I'm supposed to be gentle? And self-controlled?
You mean screaming at your kid for waking the baby that never sleeps is not Biblical?
(And all you stay at home moms of more than one kiddo are smiling because you know what I mean.Those of you who don't have kids are thinking about what an awful person I must be to treat my children that way- you will never yell at your kids.)
When the stars aligned, and the planets intercepted at exactly the right moment and God smiled down on me, kid #1 and kid #2 both napped at the same time, and I had a moment to myself.
I decided to look into this "Fruit of the Spirit" thing. I couldn't get past the middle of the verse. The word kindness struck my heart like an arrow to a target.
Wow. I was being a meanie. I was nowhere near kind. Not today, not yesterday, not in the past week. Not in a while. I had always been known as "such a nice girl."
Who was I becoming??
What kind of mom was I? Not the kind kind; that's for sure.
Sure, I was tired and cranky, but that didn't give me a right to be mean to my kids- or anyone else for that matter.
They say we should practice "random acts of kindness." We should pick some nice-looking unsuspecting stranger and bless them with some kind deed, and while that is all well and good, and I support that- that is not what Biblical kindness is about.
The definition of the word "kindness" in the verse above is this:
"Goodness in action, sweetness of disposition, gentleness in dealing with others..." and here's the kicker:
"The word describes the ability to act for the welfare of those taxing your patience*"
Wow. Epic fail on my part.
"Goodness"? "Sweetness"? What is that? Was that a part of mommy-ing, because if so, I hadn't figured out how to do it. I was supposed to be "acting for the welfare of those taxing my patience." At times, that's what motherhood is all about!
So, here I was, Bible in hand, heart full of guilt, and not sure where to go next. So, I just closed my eyes and prayed: "God, help me to be kind to my children...the children you gave me."
It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. There has been more pee, and dog drool, and kid drool, and sleepless nights, and toddler chasing, and kid wrangling, but God is answering my prayer in the midst of it. When I want to yell, I pause and remember: I can be kind instead, and in the midst of all the craziness, there have been moments of divine grace. A feeling of yup, there's another mess, but it's not really a big deal. I'll get to it. There is an appreciation for the blessing that my children are in my life and for the joy they bring me. When I keep that perspective at the forefront of my mind, when I see them as a blessing and not a burden, kindness is the result.
After all, they are my gift from God, and I have a responsibility to treat them as such, and that includes being kind...
Even when they pee on the floor.....again.