I remember when I realized Fairy Tales weren't real. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't waiting for a mermaid to pop out of the ocean, or looking for a talking candlestick in the cupboard, but I expected my Prince Charming to be around here somewhere! And he was. I found him. Then, I married him. Then, I had to write my own Christmas list. Wait...what?
Let me explain. We had been married less than a year when our first Christmas rolled around. Much to my dismay, my husband had NO IDEA what to get me. (And all the husbands out there said, "AMEN!") I had expected him to come up with some super romantical* idea and blow my socks off. Instead, I found myself writing a detailed list of what I wanted. How romantic. I thought. Then, our first anniversary rolled around. I got dressed up, he got dressed up, and we spent most of the night....comparing prices of big screen TV's and ultimately squishing one into the back seat of our convertible. Then, I froze all the way home because it wasn't warm enough to have the top down. Prince Charming NEVER would have done that.
Fairy Tales? Yeah, right! I've been lied to! Duped! What an atrocity! What did I sign up for?
It took me a few years to realize that Prince Charming does exist, he just doesn't look the way Disney makes him out to be, and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can all start enjoying our fairy tales and stop wishing for someone else's.
My Prince Charming goes to work everyday, faithfully. He makes sure our bills are paid every month- on time. His white horse is well maintained. He schedules oil changes for both our "steeds," and makes sure they run properly. My Prince Charming shovels the driveway, and puts gutters on the house. He fixes the hot water heater, (or finds someone who can,) and if I asked for the moon, I know he'd try to get it for me. He can do dishes, vacuum the floors, and do bedtime and naptime with the kids. He has carried vomiting children to the bathroom at three AM, and raced his pregnant wife to the hospital at mach speed. He can dress the kids and feed them and play "Ninja's" with them. Does he do it like I would? No. Is that okay? Yes. Has he always been Prince Charming? Yes. Did I always recognize and appreciate it? No.
Now, I know doing these things is not his idea of knighthood, and being "rescued" from screaming toddlers is not what I had in mind when I was watching Snow White all those years ago, but it's our reality. As moms, as wives, it is easy to overlook all the things our spouse does for us. We get wrapped up in our worlds- naptime, bedtime, playtime. School, sports, field trips. Snack, Lunch, Dinner. Laundry, Floors, bed-making. Doctor appointments, Dentist visits, and parent-teacher conferences. There is so much we have to do, and it is often never-ending. We become so focused on "us" and what we have to do, that we forget the man who stood at the altar and agreed to do it all with us. (Assuming you're married, of course.)
Now, maybe he doesn't do dishes or vacuum the floors. Maybe he doesn't help out with the kids as often as you'd like. Maybe he doesn't act very knightly. I get it.
One time we were having a hard time with our son, and it seemed like we were constantly correcting bad behavior. We had a rewards system in place for good behavior, but he was getting in so much trouble, it looked like he'd never get another sticker on his chart again! My Pastor's wife encouraged me to "find something" to give him a reward for. Even if it was just a smile aimed in his sister's general direction. You know what? As I started to look for good behaviors- I found them. I rewarded them, and then, there were more.
It's no different with our spouses.
Don't major in the minors. I repeat. Don't major in the minors.
Find something he does- something you are grateful for, and tell him. Are you thankful he goes to work for your family? Tell him. Are you thankful he hugs your kids at bedtime? Tell him. Are you thankful he doesn't get speeding tickets weekly? Tell him. You get the point. Appreciate the things he does, and I'm sure you'll find he's willing to do more. Love your husband for who he is, not who you want him to be. After all, you're the one who agreed to marry him, right?
Practicing thankfulness won't magically transform your man into Prince Charming (surprise!) He will still disappoint you. He will still aggravate you and drive you up the wall. But if he is committed to God, and to you, He will still LOVE you, just like you love him. So...what's a girl to do while you wait for his princely transformation?
Just get over it. (Yes. I did just say that.)
Love him. 1st Corinthians 13, The Message version puts it this way:
"Love...Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies."
Forgive him. How many times has he forgiven you? How many times has God forgiven us? (see Matthew 18:21-22) When we don't forgive, we become blind to the blessing's our spouse brings to the table, and all we are able to see are their inadequacies. When we don't forgive, when we are ungrateful, we often fall into the comparison rut. It's ugly, and it sounds like this:
You:"Oh yeah?! You think YOU'RE tired? You have NO idea! Do you know what I did today? I....." (this is the part where you list all the things you did..usually starting with the most awful, difficult, and annoying first...)
Spouse: "Well, YOU have NO IDEA what tired is! You could NEVER do what I do!"
The truth is...you are both tired. Life is hard, and sometimes marriage feels more like work than a fairy tale.
The truth is- you both have a unique set of skills and gifts that God has given you.
So NO, you could not do what he does- not the way he does it; and he could not do what you do- not the way you do it. That's why you have each other. To help each other, not to compete with each other.
Whatever your roles and responsibilities in the relationship are, do what God created you to do, and be happy about it. Be PROUD of it! And be proud of your spouse. Be his Snow White, because He WANTS to be your prince charming, and I was wrong: fairy tales do exist.
*(Yes- romantical is a word. Because I said so.)
Let me explain. We had been married less than a year when our first Christmas rolled around. Much to my dismay, my husband had NO IDEA what to get me. (And all the husbands out there said, "AMEN!") I had expected him to come up with some super romantical* idea and blow my socks off. Instead, I found myself writing a detailed list of what I wanted. How romantic. I thought. Then, our first anniversary rolled around. I got dressed up, he got dressed up, and we spent most of the night....comparing prices of big screen TV's and ultimately squishing one into the back seat of our convertible. Then, I froze all the way home because it wasn't warm enough to have the top down. Prince Charming NEVER would have done that.
Fairy Tales? Yeah, right! I've been lied to! Duped! What an atrocity! What did I sign up for?
It took me a few years to realize that Prince Charming does exist, he just doesn't look the way Disney makes him out to be, and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we can all start enjoying our fairy tales and stop wishing for someone else's.
My Prince Charming goes to work everyday, faithfully. He makes sure our bills are paid every month- on time. His white horse is well maintained. He schedules oil changes for both our "steeds," and makes sure they run properly. My Prince Charming shovels the driveway, and puts gutters on the house. He fixes the hot water heater, (or finds someone who can,) and if I asked for the moon, I know he'd try to get it for me. He can do dishes, vacuum the floors, and do bedtime and naptime with the kids. He has carried vomiting children to the bathroom at three AM, and raced his pregnant wife to the hospital at mach speed. He can dress the kids and feed them and play "Ninja's" with them. Does he do it like I would? No. Is that okay? Yes. Has he always been Prince Charming? Yes. Did I always recognize and appreciate it? No.
Now, I know doing these things is not his idea of knighthood, and being "rescued" from screaming toddlers is not what I had in mind when I was watching Snow White all those years ago, but it's our reality. As moms, as wives, it is easy to overlook all the things our spouse does for us. We get wrapped up in our worlds- naptime, bedtime, playtime. School, sports, field trips. Snack, Lunch, Dinner. Laundry, Floors, bed-making. Doctor appointments, Dentist visits, and parent-teacher conferences. There is so much we have to do, and it is often never-ending. We become so focused on "us" and what we have to do, that we forget the man who stood at the altar and agreed to do it all with us. (Assuming you're married, of course.)
Now, maybe he doesn't do dishes or vacuum the floors. Maybe he doesn't help out with the kids as often as you'd like. Maybe he doesn't act very knightly. I get it.
One time we were having a hard time with our son, and it seemed like we were constantly correcting bad behavior. We had a rewards system in place for good behavior, but he was getting in so much trouble, it looked like he'd never get another sticker on his chart again! My Pastor's wife encouraged me to "find something" to give him a reward for. Even if it was just a smile aimed in his sister's general direction. You know what? As I started to look for good behaviors- I found them. I rewarded them, and then, there were more.
It's no different with our spouses.
Don't major in the minors. I repeat. Don't major in the minors.
Find something he does- something you are grateful for, and tell him. Are you thankful he goes to work for your family? Tell him. Are you thankful he hugs your kids at bedtime? Tell him. Are you thankful he doesn't get speeding tickets weekly? Tell him. You get the point. Appreciate the things he does, and I'm sure you'll find he's willing to do more. Love your husband for who he is, not who you want him to be. After all, you're the one who agreed to marry him, right?
Practicing thankfulness won't magically transform your man into Prince Charming (surprise!) He will still disappoint you. He will still aggravate you and drive you up the wall. But if he is committed to God, and to you, He will still LOVE you, just like you love him. So...what's a girl to do while you wait for his princely transformation?
Just get over it. (Yes. I did just say that.)
Love him. 1st Corinthians 13, The Message version puts it this way:
"Love...Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies."
Forgive him. How many times has he forgiven you? How many times has God forgiven us? (see Matthew 18:21-22) When we don't forgive, we become blind to the blessing's our spouse brings to the table, and all we are able to see are their inadequacies. When we don't forgive, when we are ungrateful, we often fall into the comparison rut. It's ugly, and it sounds like this:
You:"Oh yeah?! You think YOU'RE tired? You have NO idea! Do you know what I did today? I....." (this is the part where you list all the things you did..usually starting with the most awful, difficult, and annoying first...)
Spouse: "Well, YOU have NO IDEA what tired is! You could NEVER do what I do!"
The truth is...you are both tired. Life is hard, and sometimes marriage feels more like work than a fairy tale.
The truth is- you both have a unique set of skills and gifts that God has given you.
So NO, you could not do what he does- not the way he does it; and he could not do what you do- not the way you do it. That's why you have each other. To help each other, not to compete with each other.
Whatever your roles and responsibilities in the relationship are, do what God created you to do, and be happy about it. Be PROUD of it! And be proud of your spouse. Be his Snow White, because He WANTS to be your prince charming, and I was wrong: fairy tales do exist.
*(Yes- romantical is a word. Because I said so.)