It was quiet. Too quiet. If you are a mom with small children, you know that the absence of noise means something very big (and usually bad) is going on. When I stopped cooking dinner and listened more closely, I heard water running. Then, I started running. (If you have read any of my previous posts, you know sprinting up the stairs at Mach speed is a regular part of my workout routine.) I opened the bathroom door and discovered something worse than The Great Laundry Massacre- the Great Flood of 2015. The sweet little DNA duplicates of my loins were assaulting the toilet- throwing tissue and toilet paper in and then flushing as many times as possible. From the mound of soggy, dripping tissue in the nearby bathroom drawer, it seems as if they were attempting to cover up their blunder. However, the water seeping out of the bathroom onto the carpet, along with their toilet water soaked clothes gave them away. There was also a missing golf ball.
There are no words to describe what I felt at that moment. Let me try:
Disgust- my kids are soaked in pee water.
Frustration- WHAT is this fascination with the TOILET?! (This is not their first toilet escapade.)
Disgust- EEW! You are soaked in PEE WATER!!!
Exasperation- This AGAIN?!
Disgust- EEW! I have to stick my hand in there and figure out why it’s not flushing!
Shock: Where is the golf ball?!
So much for dinner...did I mention I had company? Yeah- she cooked her own dinner while I bathed my pee-water soaked offspring. That’s a good friend.
I was drying them off after their bath and simultaneously giving myself an inner un-pep talk (aka the “calm yourself down!” speech) when my 19 month old daughter babbled something to which I calmly responded, “I am so angry I don’t even want to talk to you right now.” (It sounds harsh, but it was true, and in our house we discuss our feelings.)
My almost four year old waited a sweet heartbeat and then responded, “I’m sawry Mommy.” And then gave me a hug and a kiss. To say I melted was an understatement.
Then, he encouraged his sister to do the same, “Sissy, say sawry.” So she apologized and hugged her brother. “No! Not to me! To Mommy.” He coached.
And so she did. She gave me a hug and a kiss and said, “Sah- ee Mameee.”
After a good hug and a barrage of kisses for each of them, I said, “I forgive you. I love you.”
Then, I locked the bathroom door, and we went to eat dinner.
In that moment, I realized that this parenting thing...it’s working. I am doing something right. The heart-melting scene I just described for you is one I have modeled for my kids on so many occasions. This is how we apologize in our house. If you do something wrong, you say sorry (when you are ready and you truly mean it.) If you are wronged, you accept the apology with, “I forgive you.” And you mean it. We are NOT allowed to say, “It’s fine.” If it was fine, no apology would be needed. This is the culture we have created, and the kids get it.
Not only do they get it, but they expect each other to abide by the rules that uphold the culture we have emphasized in our home. Whether you are deliberate about your expectations or not, they are evident to your children; and those expectations create the culture in which you live every day.
What are you creating? If you don’t like the culture of your home, change your expectations, and model the behavior you want from your children. If I do something wrong, I apologize. If I hurt my kids’ feelings, I get on their level, and I say sorry.
In 1st Corinthians 11: 1, the Apostle Paul advises the Corinthians to imitate him as he imitates Christ. In Ephesians 5:1, he says, “Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.” Our children will learn how to live Godly lives by imitating the lives we live. Are we living in a way that will lead our children to Christ?
Are we worth imitating?
I encourage you: live a life worth imitating and your children will notice.
Oh yeah...later, AFTER I submerged my hand up to the elbow in the toilet, I found the golf ball. It was in the drawer under the pee-water soaked toilet paper...not in the toilet- Thank God.